The experience of anxiety and courage through an autistic lens: An Autoethnography

This thesis utilises autoethnography to explore the experience of anxiety and courage through an autistic lens, and it does so to gain a deeper understanding of their manifestations and mechanisms within my life, as an autistic individual. Anxiety has been noted to be prevalent within autism, and research has recognised that anxiety within autism presents in ways that differ from the non-autistic population, although the research is scarce, statistical, and largely based upon the medical model of autism and disability. The majority of support for anxiety is either pharmaceutical or based on talking therapies, both of which I have experienced during my life. Gaps have been identified within the expertise of talking therapists in relation to knowledge of autism, and the effectiveness of existing therapeutic interventions and modalities for autistic individuals has been challenged. The appropriateness of places and spaces used within the application of the aforementioned modalities have also been challenged -on the basis of failure to consider and support the sensory differences that are commonly found within autism. In addition, the current anxiety questionnaires, such as the GAD-7 (Generalised Anxiety Disorder seven-point questionnaire) require a level of introspection and self-awareness that are not always accessible for autistic individuals. With this in mind, and through this research I have embarked upon deeply qualitative exploration of my own experience of anxiety and its presentation, together with an exploration of courage, and I do so through my own lens, an autistic lens. I am utilising the method of autoethnography as the researcher and participant within a truly emanciparticipatory paradigm. This research also considers courage as a potential antidote for anxiety within a variety of contexts, and domains. It has been noted that there is a lack of courage research both generally, and specifically within the context of autism, despite the apparent links between anxiety and courage. The method of autoethnography, whilst established and accepted within qualitative research, is still rare, with few exemplars to be found within the social sciences and humanities. It is acknowledged that the formation of an identity, together with self-advocacy is an area of difference and challenge for autistic individuals, and yet autoethnography as an approach, for me, has clearly demonstrated that it holds a powerful ability to increase levels of self-advocacy and self-explication, which are fundamental in the formation of a stable sense of identity, personal power, and self-esteem.